Shane at the Window by @theyshane

I’ve come to realize that I take time to adjust to change. I feel like a cat, spurning the world around me because things like schedule or accessibility have inevitably changed. When my work schedule changed it took me a week to be able to get back into doing anything besides cooking, working, and sleeping. For periods of time my brain only focused on the exact methodology of what I had to do — ignoring the things I wanted to do.

The pandemic has been one big change and for most of it I’ve adjusted to not seeing new people…

By Maru Lombardo on Unsplash

Nobody wants to hear they’re bad at sex. We’d all like to be the Fabios of our own stories being dreamt about across the nation but for most of us that isn’t it. Instead we have to live with Expectations. From magazines to videos everyone has something to say about what you’re capable of in bed. So what happens when you’re just not that?

Well, you work to be better. The hardest part about knowing you’re not great at sex is, well, acceptance. I once dated someone who was really not great. Unfortunately at the time I didn’t know how…

By Roberto Nickson on Unsplash

It’s never easy to get into fights with friends. In some ways it’s harder than a breakup — relationships are intense but quick, friendships are with the people you grow up with. They’re the support group that knows you best. So what do you do when you’ve fought with your friends?

Well, first things first: why are you actually upset? That seems like a stupid question but emotions are high. It’s stressful times and it’s easy to take things to heart, so we’ve all got to take a step back. Are you actually upset about the subject on hand? …

By otografierende on Unsplash

It’s a hard pill to swallow but everyone hurts someone. Society says those who cause harm will be punished and innocent people shall not be harmed but that’s simply not true. There’s no cosmic alignment for good and bad, everyone, everyone is a shade of gray. You can have someone’s best interest at heart, you can love them with the whole of your being, that doesn’t mean you can’t hurt them.

There are lots of reasons we cause harm; in relationships it’s often because of expectations: what drives us to seek out others and what we expect to gain from…

By Gabrielle Henderson on Unsplash

Everyone looks up to someone. Whether it be a family member, a friend, or an idol, everyone has someone who embodies something they wish they had. For me it’s my peers. My career choices have always been different than my family so my mentors have always been others in the field. I follow a lot of influences and try to keep them in mind throughout my day. This is both great motivation and self sabotage.

It’s great to strive to be better but imposter syndrome is a great way to lower your self esteem. It’s hard to say you’ve made…

By Yohann LIBOT on Unsplash

Everyone’s heard it’s not you, it’s me. But actually, sometimes it’s just me. I know I write about sex and also consume a lot of sex-positive media but sometimes I’m just not in the mood. It’s hard to say why that is but sometimes it just is. One of the harder things to understand when that happens is that it’s neither party’s fault, no one has done anything wrong — I’m just not feeling it.

I’ve had conversations about it because sometimes there are days, weeks that go by where I just don’t want to be touched. It’s hard telling…

By Adam Nieścioruk on Unsplash

Quarantine has done all kinds of things to our psyche. For me, it’s brought out one of my worst habits — my tendency to date selfishly. I found myself recently admitting that the guy I’d been texting wasn’t someone I was interested in — he was just someone that was there.

After my last disastrous attempt at dating.

I was trying to make myself feel better with a rebound. Everyone loves a good roller coaster of emotions brought on by low crushing self esteem am I right? With this in mind I started talking to, let’s call him George. George…

By Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

You ever feel like the floor is sinking because you just don’t know how to deal with someone else’s feelings? I was recently put on the spot driving a coworker home from a work event. He’d gotten a bit too much to drink and I’d offered to drive him home instead of his former less than stellar plans. Seems he hadn’t planned on getting shit faced but what can you do — I was being a responsible adult driving him home.

Let me prelude by saying a couple of things: I’m a superior to him. Power dynamics. I’m also older…

By Deniz Göçmen on Unsplash

My pain is my pain and your pain is your pain. They aren’t the same. They aren’t comparable. They don’t contest or invalidate the other. They both deserve to be heard. Just not in juxtaposition to each other.

You ever tell someone about your issues and have them compare it to their own problems. I get it, I’ve done it myself. It’s a way for you to attempt to show someone you can relate — you’re empathetic to their woes. But that’s not always the case. Sometimes people do the same to take away from someone else’s problems. For many…

By Isidoro Martínez on Unsplash

There’s a story going around Twitter recently from Jaime Primak about a friend whose son has engaged in sex work. This son was approached by people significantly older than him who asked if he wanted to make money, he said yes. Whilst cleaning his room, his mother found $100,000 worth of cash under his bed and was told this story. Her response was to steal that money from him and try to return it to his patrons. Apparently, the mother was distraught and sought out Primak for advice. …

Sophia An

Writer, artist, book lover. Shakespeare said “look like the innocent flower but be the serpent under it.” Someone help me be the flower.

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