Image for post
Image for post
By Roberto Nickson on Unsplash

It’s never easy to get into fights with friends. In some ways it’s harder than a breakup — relationships are intense but quick, friendships are with the people you grow up with. They’re the support group that knows you best. So what do you do when you’ve fought with your friends?

Well, first things first: why are you actually upset? That seems like a stupid question but emotions are high. It’s stressful times and it’s easy to take things to heart, so we’ve all got to take a step back. Are you actually upset about the subject on hand? …


Image for post
Image for post
By otografierende on Unsplash

It’s a hard pill to swallow but everyone hurts someone. Society says those who cause harm will be punished and innocent people shall not be harmed but that’s simply not true. There’s no cosmic alignment for good and bad, everyone, everyone is a shade of gray. You can have someone’s best interest at heart, you can love them with the whole of your being, that doesn’t mean you can’t hurt them.

There are lots of reasons we cause harm; in relationships it’s often because of expectations: what drives us to seek out others and what we expect to gain from a relationship creates the base work for how we can be harmed. Of course relationships are meant to make us feel better, we don’t fall into relationships with other people complete without selfish tendencies but that line for when you care for someone else and when you do things for yourself is often crossed. That’s not a problem per se, you are allowed to look out for yourself, but at what cost? …


Image for post
Image for post
By Gabrielle Henderson on Unsplash

Everyone looks up to someone. Whether it be a family member, a friend, or an idol, everyone has someone who embodies something they wish they had. For me it’s my peers. My career choices have always been different than my family so my mentors have always been others in the field. I follow a lot of influences and try to keep them in mind throughout my day. This is both great motivation and self sabotage.

It’s great to strive to be better but imposter syndrome is a great way to lower your self esteem. It’s hard to say you’ve made it because the metaphorical ‘it’ as an idea is never set in stone. We all know stories of people making it big when they’re in the latter part of their lives so how do we know we’ve hit our potential? The successful always wanting more. But that’ll ultimately cheat you out of your best life - you’ll burn out before you’re satisfied if you’re always reaching for more. …


Image for post
Image for post
By Yohann LIBOT on Unsplash

Everyone’s heard it’s not you, it’s me. But actually, sometimes it’s just me. I know I write about sex and also consume a lot of sex-positive media but sometimes I’m just not in the mood. It’s hard to say why that is but sometimes it just is. One of the harder things to understand when that happens is that it’s neither party’s fault, no one has done anything wrong — I’m just not feeling it.

I’ve had conversations about it because sometimes there are days, weeks that go by where I just don’t want to be touched. It’s hard telling your partner they’ve done nothing wrong and it has nothing to do with their attractiveness. It’s fighting the initial battle of ‘is she lying?’ …


Image for post
Image for post
By Adam Nieścioruk on Unsplash

Quarantine has done all kinds of things to our psyche. For me, it’s brought out one of my worst habits — my tendency to date selfishly. I found myself recently admitting that the guy I’d been texting wasn’t someone I was interested in — he was just someone that was there.

After my last disastrous attempt at dating.

I was trying to make myself feel better with a rebound. Everyone loves a good roller coaster of emotions brought on by low crushing self esteem am I right? With this in mind I started talking to, let’s call him George. George was someone who worked in the same building as me albeit not at the same company. George and I see each other quite frequently because there’s one cafeteria. At first I wasn’t sure how I felt about his attentions — quarantine still makes me wary of most social interactions. …


Image for post
Image for post
By Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

You ever feel like the floor is sinking because you just don’t know how to deal with someone else’s feelings? I was recently put on the spot driving a coworker home from a work event. He’d gotten a bit too much to drink and I’d offered to drive him home instead of his former less than stellar plans. Seems he hadn’t planned on getting shit faced but what can you do — I was being a responsible adult driving him home.

Let me prelude by saying a couple of things: I’m a superior to him. Power dynamics. I’m also older, he’s fresh out of college and navigating his first “real job” so to speak. Really, he’s like a younger brother who comes to me for advice. I also just don’t have any feelings for him, if there was a dictionary definition of platonic my face would be there with the explanation ‘he reminds me of a younger brother.’ Well, apparently the sentiment was not shared. My attempt to do the right thing was instead filled with a lot of second hand embarrassment as he confessed just how much he really liked me. How he didn’t care that I was quite a bit older than him and that even if I wasn’t who he would usually go for I was on his mind. …


Image for post
Image for post
By Deniz Göçmen on Unsplash

My pain is my pain and your pain is your pain. They aren’t the same. They aren’t comparable. They don’t contest or invalidate the other. They both deserve to be heard. Just not in juxtaposition to each other.

You ever tell someone about your issues and have them compare it to their own problems. I get it, I’ve done it myself. It’s a way for you to attempt to show someone you can relate — you’re empathetic to their woes. But that’s not always the case. Sometimes people do the same to take away from someone else’s problems. For many it’s a form of gaslighting, to let them know that they already survived similar traumas and so by complaining you are simply making a big deal out of nothing. …


Image for post
Image for post
By Isidoro Martínez on Unsplash

There’s a story going around Twitter recently from Jaime Primak about a friend whose son has engaged in sex work. This son was approached by people significantly older than him who asked if he wanted to make money, he said yes. Whilst cleaning his room, his mother found $100,000 worth of cash under his bed and was told this story. Her response was to steal that money from him and try to return it to his patrons. Apparently, the mother was distraught and sought out Primak for advice. …


Image for post
Image for post
By Michael Rechenberg on Unsplash

I didn’t step into quarantine with a boyfriend. That’s not to say I wasn’t seeing people I just wasn’t settling with anyone. Like many people in the early stages of dating I was still in the process of getting to know my partner, going on dates, having fun. But not in exclusivity.

It wasn’t a problem. Or at least I didn’t think it was. I’ve never had any issues with my partners dating around before we’ve committed. In my books there’s dating and then there’s exclusivity — they aren’t the same.

Going into quarantine I wasn’t really thinking about my dating life. Let’s get real, the world is on fire and finding someone I’m not seeing in real life isn’t a priority. Don’t get me wrong, I was still seeing people, and the dates were cute and fun. …


Image for post
Image for post
By Freestocks on Unsplash

So you’re dating again. Me, personally, I’m not the type to jump from relationship to relationship. I like my down time and I enjoy being single (sometimes more than the relationship) so every time I start seeing someone it’s like I’ve just learned how to flirt all over again. Nerves? My closest relationship. To help me get over my new relationship blues I have a list of fundamental reminders on how to act. They’re tailored to me but there are ten fundamentals I think anyone can benefit from:

The Pre-Date

10. Make Sure You’re Actually Ready for a Relationship

This seems like a no brainer but it really really isn’t. One of the easiest traps is thinking you’re attracted to someone when you’re really just attracted to the idea of being with someone. I get it. When I’m watching movies I’m thinking about how nice it would be to cuddle up against someone right now but that means that someone could be anyone. You don’t need to put someone in the position of thinking you’re interested when you’re really interested in what areas of your life you think are lacking. …

About

Sophia An

Writer, artist, book lover. Shakespeare said “look like the innocent flower but be the serpent under it.” Someone help me be the flower.

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store